Renouncing the Shame

Tag lines: Validation, Shame, Depression, Love, Restoration

Alice Delaney, Ph.D., M.Ed., M.A.

05 October 2025

Renouncing the Effects of Shame

“Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. What a person thinks of themselves determines, or rather indicates, their fate.” -Henry David Thoreau in Walden.

What do you think about yourself? What are your long-held values? What sadness do you feel? What makes you leap for joy? In a society where we tend to rely on external validations, having to ponder these introspective questions with such depth of consideration suggests that we have become so attuned to these external mechanisms that we have become versions of ourselves that are farthest from our fundamental core.

Inasmuch as we ascribe to “be a good person,” by whose standards are we “good?”

We ascribe to loving humanity, equality, and justice for all until the “all” fails to live up to our changing expectations. We strive to attain success and a good life, only to be left with relentless longing for something more. We pledge love, commitment, and faithfulness till death do us part, except now that promise feels like a death sentence.

It all begins with an internal conversation that undermines our spiritual, mental, and emotional stability, bringing forth despair.  And how do we cope with such despair, which grows as internal conversations damns us and put us to shame? We (temporarily) silence the voices with alcohol, drugs, affairs, overeating, gambling, binge-watching, etc. Then comes the big “S”. Shame.

To borrow from his book, “The Soul of Shame,” Curt Thompson ² shares this insight on the definition and process of shame.

“It is an undercurrent of sensed emotion that sounds like, ‘I am not good enough’, ‘there is something wrong with me’, ‘I am bad’, or ‘I don’t matter’. [Shame] is born out of a sense of “there being something wrong with me” or of “not being enough” and therefore presenting as being unable or powerless to change one’s condition or circumstances. It is not just the fact that I am not “good enough” to change my life but rather the felt sense that I do not have what it takes to tolerate this moment or circumstance”.

As such, we can understand how the process erodes our relationships with ourselves, others, and keeps us from establishing a relationship with God.

But there is hope!

There is someone who understands you. Someone who loves you. Someone who is waiting for you to accept His invitation to lay down your shame, humiliation, and degradation of yourself. He is saying to you (and me) there is nothing you can do or say to make Him love you any less or more than He already does.

He knew us when we were in our mother’s womb, and his original plan for our life was (and still is) for good and not evil, and to give us hope. Shame strips us of hope.  Who is this person who loves us unconditionally? I am so glad you asked. His name is Jesus!

Our validation should come from Him who sees and values our hearts, looking beyond our faults. It is entirely your decision to accept or reject His invitation. God is a God of love, and he doesn’t force us into making choices, but He does require our trust once we accept His invitation. When you come to Him, you must believe that He is God and that He will answer your prayer. You can start with,” Jesus, I need you to come into my heart and take away this shame I am carrying”.

Release shame’s power over your life.

We can shed the weight of shame by examining the story we tell ourselves and exposing the lie.

a) Renounce shame by first identifying and confessing the issue that evokes the emotional sense of shame.

b) Trust in God for freedom and forgiveness (of others, if it applies).

c) Leaving the past behind

God's word reminds us in Romans 10:11 that “Anyone who believes in Him will never be put to shame.”

If you or someone you know desires support in this area, contact drdelaney@picie-consult.org or visit us at www.loverofmysoulministries.org

References:

²Curt Thompson (2015). The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves. Downers Grove: Inter Varsity Press.

¹Thoreau, H. D. (2016). Walden. Macmillan Collector’s Library.

Dr. Alice Delaney

Clinical Pastoral Counselor

Certified Temperament Counselor

Certified Life Coach

Founder and Director of Pathways Institute for Crisis Intervention and Education, Inc. www.picie-consult.org

Creator and Ministerial Servant of Lover of My Soul Ministries www.loverofmysoulministries.org